Today is my 42nd birthday. While I will celebrate surrounded with love by my wonderful husband and children I will give thought to the 2 boys who are missing.
Zac’s due date coincided with my birthday in 2005 but he left too soon as I spent my 28th birthday in deep sadness of what was never to be.
I found out I was pregnant with Patrick just after my 38th birthday in 2015 and I always said he was the best birthday present I could have ever received but again this joy was so cruelly robbed from me and I spent my 39th birthday swallowed up in a sea of grief I thought I would drown in.
So another year rolls in and I become more aware of my own mortality. The years will pass whether or not I choose to celebrate or not. 40 & 41 were a bit easier as I have the joy of our little rainbow Hope to share cake & candles with.
But again this year is different, different in a way that I realise that I must make the most of this life I have. Although my heart will always be heavy and ache for all I have lost. But now it is time begin again.
A huge event has happened in our family in the past few days. Much to our delight we welcomed the tiniest most precious bundle of joy into our hearts and lives. My boys have sent us the blessing of another little girl Grace. A special name for a special little girl chosen by her Daddy.
Another pregnancy wrought with anxiety and with more than a few problems. I managed to keep this precious tiny human safe until it was time for her to arrive. Early but safely.
Having spent a number of days in special care in the hands of an incredible medical team who I can only describe as living angels and an obstetrician who will forever be my hero. She is home where she belongs.
So now new life brings with it new beginnings. Our family is now complete with those 2 pieces of our jigsaw forever missing. Those who have chosen to be part of our journey and remember our boys with us will join us on our continued journey of love, family, friendship & hope.
To my support network you know who you are, my gratitude knows no boundaries in the counsel, friendship and support I have received in recent weeks and months. And least I forget the singing, the best type of therapy I could ever have imagined! To my singing group I hold so dear I look forward to our on going adventures, chats and continued friendship.
So another year of my life begins surrounded with love, hope, friends and my beautiful family of 5 girls and 3 boys, I will always be immensely proud of them here on this earth or dancing in the stars ✨.
We intend as a family to endeavour to help others in similar circumstances and carry the torch to ensure our boys will never be forgotten.
As a music lover I will leave you with lyrics of another Faith Hill song one of my favourites called Stronger. For me it’s telling me not to be afraid to start living again 💙💙
“This is the window to my heart
I just want you to be free
There ain’t no freedom where we are
Ain’t no wishes in these stars
Ain’t no reason to believe”
Love, light, hope & strength to all.
Anne Marie xxx